diary of an uncertain miss 3

The third chapter has finally arrived. please read the first chapter by clicking here and for the second chapter, click here. Enjoy

I ignore all six of Ndivuwho’s phone calls. She would throw a fit if she knew what I did yesterday. In addition, James has not called since we had sex; he must be busy with school work. Thinking about him gives me mixed feelings; I never thought he would be the one to take my virginity. Although all the talk about sex is incorrect. It was not passionate like in the movies and I did not even scream out in pleasure. On the contrary, it felt weird; there was a lot of fumbling and awkward silences. For a second I questioned whether we were doing it right. Furthermore the pain was unbearable. My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. I jump up thinking its James.

“Oh honey,” Ndivuwho says tenderly with a look of concern as I open the door. She embraces me. “I did not think dumping him would hit you that hard. I am so sorry; I can understand why you wouldn’t want to talk to anyone.” She ignorantly articulates. I slowly unlatch from her embrace. Without even looking at her, I walk into the living room. She closes the door and offers to talk. Feeling guilty, I stare at her – afraid to talk.

“We didn’t break up.” I mumble. Her face is flushed with confusion. She raises her right eyebrow. I look to the side; her eyes lock on me. With a tone of uncertainty, she asks what happened. I tell her I do not want to talk about it but she persists. Now sitting on the couch, she demands to know. I slowly sit down.

“We… we had sex!” I utter as I break down into tears. Ndivuwho’s face moves from concern to shock to confusion.

“Why would you do that dear?” She asks, “I thought you were going to break up with him. Didn’t you say you were going to wait until marriage?” She bombards me with questions before she gasps and finally asks, “Did he take advantage of you?”

“No, of course not. It occurred so fast Ndi. We were talking about our feelings and he told me he didn’t like me. I panicked and thought I would lose him so I kissed him and – love took over.” I explained. Ndivuwho was silent for a while. She stands up, the confusion in her face only growing; she looks like a police officer trying to solve a case as she walks back and forth.

“Did you use a condom?” she asks. Shuddering briefly I realise that James never put on a condom or even had one. Ndivuwho shakes her head in disbelief as she notices the shock on my face. I start panicking and shouting about being pregnant and having HIV. Ndivuwho grabs a hold of me and gets me on my feet.

“Calm down dammit. You need to get tested ASAP.” She shouts, “I can’t have AIDS, I’m too young Ndi” I say as tears stream down my face once again. Ndivuwho grabs my phone and dials a number. After waiting in silence for a minute she hangs up, throws the phone on the sofa and mutters something about James being a jerk. She drags me to the bathroom and tells me to go take a shower. Afterwards we head out.

I do not want to do the test but Ndivuwho points out why it is important I do. We decide to go to a clinic on the other side of town to avoid bumping into anyone we know. Hesitating a bit, we stand outside the clinic. My anxiety levels are soaring through the sky as we walk in. the nurse kindly and calmly explains the procedure and tells me it will take 30 minutes for the results to come back. It ends up taking seven hours. In those hours I leave the hospital three times with Ndivuwho dragging me back, I cry for five hours and I pray the most sincere prayers I have ever uttered. Ndivuwho later told me that it was indeed only 30 minutes.

The results come back negative for both HIV and pregnancy. This is one test I am glad I failed. However the nurse explains the window period and how I have to come back three months later. My anxiety takes off once again. She recommends that James also take the test. After leaving the clinic, we try to get a hold of him but he does not answer his phone. Three days pass before he calls back. I shout at him for two minutes before I give him the chance to talk. With a calm voice, he apologises for his unavailability and asks if we can talk. I agree and tell him to come to my place. As soon as he hangs up, I call Ndivuwho to come. He arrives first. I brush him off as he tries to hug me.

“How could you do this to me J, was I just a piece of meat to you?” I immediately start yelling as soon as I close the door, “Is that how you view me? Someone you can use then throw out when you are done?” His head hangs low. Muttering an apology, he tries to look at me as he talks but his eyes alternate between the floor and my face. I cut him off and continue yelling at him.

“I am a virgin!” He finally shouts over my voice. I pause as silence takes over the room, he continues, “Well I was one before we had sex.”  Staring at him in astonishment, my well of vocabulary suddenly dries up. He starts explaining how he never planned on sleeping with me. As a matter of fact, he did not want to date me.

“Angela, I am attracted to you so much. I knew if we dated, we could never hold ourselves. You are so sexy and…” A knock on the door cuts him off. It’s definitely Ndivuwho. I start panicking knowing full well that Ndivuwho would never believe James or even give him a chance to explain. I consider whether I should hide James before letting her in.

“Where you expecting company?”  James asks. I shush him, grab his hand and walk him to my room. Lying about my sister coming to visit; I tell him to keep quiet and lock the bedroom door. I rush to the main door where Ndivuwho is now knocking furiously. Looking at the mirror, I put on my best gloomy face then proceed to open the door. Ndivuwho asks where he is, I tell her that he never pitched. She throws a fit.

“That’s it; we are going to his flat.” She shouts furiously. As she is about to storm out, the sound of a falling glass radiates from my room. We both freeze. Her face jerks towards my bedroom door then back to me in suspicion. Without saying a word, she snatches my keys from my hand then heads to the bedroom door.

To be continued…

Is James telling the truth? Is Angel being realistic? What about Ndivuwho, what are your thoughts on her?

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